Regardless of the type of toxicity in your relationship (it could be verbal or physical violence, manipulation, control, jealousy, alcohol consumption, etc.), one thing is certain: in a toxic relationship you will never be happy, even though you have that human right. If you feel that maybe it’s time to end a relationship that is hurting you, but you think you have some “logical” reasons that are still holding you back, we recommend reading the lines below.
I can change for the better
Often when we are victims of abuse, whether we are aware of that abuse or not (see manipulation), we feel guilty. We also consider ourselves guilty of something, the perpetrator of that aggression.
So, consciously or not, we keep thinking about changing ourselves, that those things we don’t like don’t happen anymore.
If you feel that you keep changing, or that you are simply always being asked to change in order to be okay, you are definitely not in the right relationship for you.
Of course, we’re not talking about personal transformations, but about transforming yourself into who someone else wants you to be.
I love my partner, I’ll never find another like him
If you think things can still be contained like this, for the sake of love, well that sacrifice can have a happy ending in romance novels. But in reality, a toxic relationship will often become even more toxic.
So even if you love, remember that you have to stay first for yourself.
Even astrologers tell us that each of us can have more than one soulmate. Surely there are second chances. Or, more than that, sometimes life is more beautiful alone than with two.
I have the situation under control
If you keep telling yourself that you have the situation under control and that you can do something to alleviate those behaviours or actions in your relationship that make you feel bad, you may be caught in a lie.
If your partner is the one who is displaying some form of abuse, no matter what kind, no one is in control but them. We can’t control other people, but we can be responsible for our own lives and happiness.
It’s normal what happens, in all couples there are arguments
We are different, so it is natural that from time to time there will be arguments between us. It is impossible to think the same way all the time.
But how do we feel in these arguments or arguments? We feel the need to prove ourselves right, or we simply feel that it is good to argue our opinion, but we feel accepted by the other and listened to in our own ideas. We feel that our partner loves us even when they are angry with us. It’s an emotional security, a healthy attachment that exists in mature relationships based on respect and genuine love.
But if you feel that the other person is trying at all costs to impose their ideas on you, this is not healthy. There is a major difference between persuasion and imposition.
In time, he will understand how much you love him and will change
The hope that someone will change shouldn’t exist for us, because we can’t be responsible for other people’s lives, values and happiness. Sure, we can contribute to someone’s change, but we can’t rely on it. It may or may not happen that the other person will change. When it comes to intimate, emotional, couple life, such hopes can be too much.
I can’t manage without him, I depend on him
Unfortunately, it is a reality that in toxic relationships a dependent relationship is created (often deliberately on the part of the other).
If you feel you can’t break up, especially because of financial shortages, ask for help (friends, relatives, specialists, authorities, etc.), look for a job, look for solutions until you catch the ramp on which you can leave.
And one more thing, no matter how much the relationship means to us, we should never fall into the trap of addiction.
Unfortunately, things can be more complicated than that, being related to society’s culture, women’s rights, each other’s possibilities and so on.
But above all, we all have the right to happiness and it is worth fighting for.