Most people think of cheating as the worst crime of all, when in fact there are countless other mistakes we make that can sabotage our relationship. Some of these are less spectacular than seeking happiness in the arms of another, but they slowly erode our happiness.
Here are 8 things to beware of!
Facing the cold
It’s only natural that after years you don’t get as excited as you did in the first few months, but if you’re not spending nights snuggling up next to each other on your laptop, you might want to think twice. Are you still a couple in love, or just two friends living together?
You’re each other’s stress balls
How does your partner affect you when you’re stressed? Does he help and reassure you, or is he just a punching bag for you to release your tension on? It’s hard to admit this to yourself, but if it’s the latter, you’re going in the wrong direction.
From flea to elephant
Forgot your socks in the hall again, forgot your mum’s birthday or didn’t buy toilet paper? Yes, these are all problems, but if he’s been yelling at you for days about it, he’s overreacting a bit. Does anyone even remember why the war started or are you just insulting each other pointlessly?
One thing is important to make clear: jealousy is really always about the jealous party, who probably doesn’t trust themselves enough. Mistrust and suspicion can ruin a relationship in no time, because while one party is playing Sherlock Holmes, the other is already hiding the fact that he dared to say hello to the salesperson at the CBA.
True, you’re not fighting, but how could you if you’re not talking to each other? At least once a week, have a night where you can listen to each other and communication goes beyond the “what did you have for lunch?” question.
Manipulation, emotional blackmail
This is perhaps one of the worst forms of conflict in relationships: if your partner cannot convince you of something with reason, they will try to make you feel guilty and put themselves in the position of victim. In the end, whatever the source of the conflict, you will feel like a heartless, mean person who ignores him or her.
Fear of being alone
Humans are social creatures, but that shouldn’t be the only reason for maintaining a relationship. If you fear being alone, it doesn’t really matter who you’re with. This relationship is not about you, it’s about alleviating your fears.
We’re not encouraging you to report your every move to your lover – it’s important that you both keep your privacy, and yes, you can have your own secrets. But if they violate the sanctity of the relationship and lead to lying, you’ve gone too far.