Undemanding love can be one of the most wonderful things in the world. But if you want the relationship to last, you should avoid these common mistakes at all costs.
The beginning of a relationship is almost always lovely and simple. Nothing can go wrong and you just can’t get enough of each other. But the longer a relationship lasts, the more things have to work out to keep things from getting out of hand. Something that might seem completely unimportant in those first few months of pink fluffy love can be the thing that ultimately sinks the whole ship. Here are 6 things you should watch out for if you’re looking for a long-lasting relationship.
You put your own life on hold
We all find it easy to get swept up in a new crush, but don’t let it get out of hand. Relationship coach Tiya Cunningham-Sumter says that by only focusing on your partner every waking minute rather wears on a relationship than builds it up.
I’ve seen this happen so many times to people who are just starting a relationship. They set aside their own lives and interests to always be available to their new flame. It’s a bad decision,” she tells the site Bustle.
You’re moving too fast
There’s no exact guideline for how fast or slow a relationship should go, it all depends on the particular relationship you and your partner have. But one thing to keep in mind is that the faster you go, the less time you have to prepare for the next step in the relationship, and the more likely it is that things will go wrong.
Ignoring warning flags
Early on in the relationship, you may just want things to flow and be prepared to ignore things that aren’t working or that bother you. Unfortunately, over-acceptance is not a good way to build a lasting relationship. Sooner or later, those little things you left out will suddenly become a list a mile long of things you just can’t stand. If you or your partner notice that something isn’t working, it’s time to deal with it right away.
You don’t know yourself and what you want
Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you should lose sight of yourself and what you want from your life. According to author and life coach Jaya Jaya Myra, this can have disastrous consequences later in the relationship.
If you’re not who you are at the beginning of the relationship, it may turn out later that you’re someone else entirely with dreams and goals your partner can’t support you in. It’s best to know what’s important to you before you try to find the right one.
It doesn’t matter how good-looking or rich a person is, or if they meet all the requirements on your wish list for what a partner should be like. You have to learn to love and be dedicated to the person you’re with, not who they are on paper,” says Myra.
Bring old habits into the new relationship
It’s easy to bring old habits into a new relationship, but it’s a sure way to doom your new relationship to the same fate as your old ones; namely, that sooner or later it will end. Try to find out why certain things didn’t work in the old relationship, and try not to make the same mistakes again.
We should learn something about ourselves in every relationship, especially those that end. We should be better because of them. Paying attention to what changes you need to make to make the new relationship work is what leads to success, says Cunningham-Sumter.
You don’t dare to be yourself
We tend to try to hide our worse sides for as long as we can, even when we know it’s unsustainable, says life coach Leannah Lumauig.
Sooner or later, you won’t be able to keep up a perfect facade, which can lead to fights and your partner not trusting you. If you have a flaw that your partner absolutely can’t live with, it’s usually better to realise that you might not be right for each other and move on, rather than trying to be someone else to make the relationship work.