Romantic love and functioning relationships seem to be getting more and more difficult these days. But is a relationship without love, i.e. a “relationship of convenience” a solution for those who just can’t find the right person?
If we’re not married by the time we’re 35, we’ll just get married… What starts as a joke among friends in younger years may suddenly seem like a sensible solution to some after years of unsuccessful searching and failed relationships. But can a relationship of convenience without love make you happy?
Not in love, engaged, married: Why not?
In love, engaged, married – if the saying goes… But let’s face it, this model is long outdated. Nowadays, we don’t have to get married to have children. Even for a lifelong commitment, a marriage certificate is not necessary and relationships also work, in which the partners lead a firm relationship according to the living-apart-together model, but live separately. The possibilities are endless as never before, as many people are realizing more and more: I don’t have to align my life and my relationship according to what is traditionally considered “right.” So why shouldn’t we also take the freedom to have a relationship with someone, marry them, and even have and raise children with them if we’re not necessarily in love with them?
Arguments for a relationship of reason
Life isn’t always fair and things don’t always work out the way you want them to. Love is one of the great factors over which we have very little influence. Whether we fall in love and with whom and whether this someone then also falls in love with us and whether this then also lasts a lifetime… In this case, one question clearly comes to the fore: What do I want for my life? Especially if I am someone who wants security through another person and especially children, a relationship without love is an option that makes some things possible, albeit on a different emotional basis.
Can love be learned?
Whether a relationship of convenience or a relationship without love works is probably just as much up in the air as any other relationship. The question is: Can one learn to love?
The answer is actually again a question: How likely is it that you do not develop feelings for someone with whom you live, for whom you care and who does this in return also for you and with whom you then possibly also have children? After all, a relationship without love does not have to be loveless. After all, there are many other forms of love and affection besides passionate love that can still make a relationship of convenience into a beautiful and enriching togetherness.
Is a relationship of convenience a step forward or rather a step back?!
Assuming that the common model nowadays is that we fall in love and then have a relationship, a relationship without love but with which you can fulfill other desires in life is definitely a step forward. However, this should have nothing to do with the marriage of convenience that we know from the past and even now from certain cultures. The crucial difference is whether two people are forced to be together or to marry, or whether they decide for each other – even if without love.
Maybe this is not a fairy-tale or perfect solution, but it is a good alternative for all those who want to set other priorities in life than the search for the great love and prefer to take their fate into their own hands.