Relationship End: How Do I Break Up?

You are sure that your relationship has no perspective anymore! Then dare and break up. Here you can find out how to go about it, so that you can still look at yourself in the mirror afterwards.

Be absolutely sure!
“I’m breaking up with you!” is not something you just say to someone out of anger. Anger is a bad advisor and a threat to break up that is not meant seriously can be very hurtful. Therefore, first be sure that the stove is really off before you confront your partner with your desire for separation.

Do not wait too long!
Some people already know from experience how it feels to reach the point where you clearly know: That’s enough. Now I’m going to do it and separate. You can wait until it feels so clear. Or you can shorten the way, if you already feel before: It’s not going to work out. I don’t have to listen to the long-playing record to the end. Because nobody has to wait until it gets really bad. You can also want to have your freedom back before that.

Don’t put the gun to your chest
You are already quite sure that you want to separate! Then you could tell him right away. But in some cases this would cause unpredictable chaos. For example, if you live in his apartment and fear that he would kick you out right away. Or if you have to finish a really important project, on which your professional future depends. Then the showdown can wait a few days. It may not be completely honest with him, but you have to think of yourself as well.

Plan the “after”
You wonder what it will be like without him? And then an anxious feeling rises up in you? Often this is the fear of the unknown and of being alone. Therefore, do not leave it to chance how things will go on after the separation. Think carefully: What do I want my life to look like when I no longer have to include my soon-to-be ex? Organize everything you need for this. This is your chance to set a new course. In addition, the separation will be easier for you if you have a plan.

Say it personally
Of course, it would be easier to just send him a message and save yourself the unpleasant moment of being confronted with the relationship breakup. But honestly, that’s unfair and “age inappropriate.” A mature person should be able to break up vis-à-vis a person with whom he was really together for a long time. The only exception: fear of physical escalation. In that case, you should not even meet him unaccompanied.

Tell him without reproach
The moment when you tell him is often the one that needs the most inner effort. Because the fear of the reaction of the other resonates. And, of course, a bit of a guilty conscience, because the other person is presented with a fait accompli and is rarely relieved about it. But that can’t be helped. Therefore, tell it to him as it is. In simple clear sentences like these:

I’m moving out… I don’t want to be with you anymore… I’m separating from you… I can’t be happy like this…. This is not what I want and how I imagined it….

Say it in your own way and without big reproaches, even if you are angry or disappointed. Because usually before a breakup there are already tons of more or less direct reproaches to your partner. Now that you’ve had enough of it, you can stop.

None: We can stay friends
Whether your remaining intersection will be the right thing to tie up in a friendly relationship is not always immediately foreseeable. It may be that your ex-boyfriend needs a long time away from you to get over the breakup and the loss. The offer “We can stay friends.” often feels like a slap in the face for him. It remains to be seen whether you can become friends. The promise is not a consolation for the abandoned person at the moment of the breakup.

Go somewhere else after the news
Of course, you don’t leave someone completely out in the cold with whom you’ve just broken up. The only exception is if he acted like so bad. If it just didn’t work out with you in the long run, even if you can look back on nice days together, separate fairly. This includes that you give him a moment to let the news sink in. Then it is better to leave. Because you are not the right person to comfort him now. It is better for both of you to let some air in. I’m going to a friend’s house for a few hours. Will you be okay? We can talk tomorrow/weekend about how it can go/how we do it with the apartment and so on. Right now, I need some space for a while.