- Remember the points in common with your partner. Do you know what your LOVE FLAME is?
Do you remember what made you fall in love with your partner? Are you clear about what motivated you to feel love and desire to share with him or her? This motivator is key to your relationship, because it is the flame that ignited your engine and your passion. This flame is the one that can be kept alive beyond the differences that are created from time and living together. Some have bonded over dancing, a love of animals, an endearing sense of humor, solidarity, or a love of sports in the morning. There is one thing in common between the two: the goal is to keep it burning like a flame!
- The blanket in the middle:
Neither the blanket is yours, nor his. The best way to share is balance. This is key to understanding that neither of you is the holder of the revealed truth. Sometimes you have to give in and reach a point of balance, especially in important decisions that have to do with family, money, time and health. It takes work to find it and you will see that some tools can give you the keys to find it.
- What role does each of you have?
Each of you has a role in the couple. There are as many roles as there are people in the world, although it is good to know ours. Are we financial providers? Providers of affection? Providers of change and good ideas? Providers of emotional balance? Providers of unconditional support?
While some couples start with one role, with time and decisions, they may begin to play another. The important thing is that you know what role you have in the relationship and what you bring to it. And here’s what I consider key: the more balanced the roles are, the more satisfaction you will both have.
- If there are children, you have to invest in the couple.
The arrival of children is a challenge for every couple. It is a task that will bring the greatest emotional rewards for the parents, and -I feel I can say it-: it is at the same time super demanding and even exhausting. I have two children and I know what it’s like to have sleepless nights, what it’s like to re-study invertebrates for an exam or sleep in hospitals waiting for them to come out of surgery. What I also know is that they are the engine of a mom and dad’s happiness. The idea is that children grow up with love and attention from both of them, although this should not make us forget that the couple is the basis and origin of everything. If we forget the person with whom we had our children, it is time to think about getting them back.
- How can we be happy with the time we have?
Time is a non-recyclable factor. It does not come back to us converted into more time. So the time we invest in our partner has to be a quality time, rather than a quantity of hours. To understand what quality time means, it is necessary to understand what makes you both feel united and happy.
If for you, quality time with your partner means feeling relaxed, look for spaces and moments to share relaxation with him. If for him, quality time is cooking together, it is important to find time and space for you to share it. What brings us closer is what we have to discover.
It does not have to involve an investment of money, it is rather a reflection of: what do I like to do most with my partner when we are together on a Sunday? And put it into practice. Be careful: maybe watching movies is no longer what connects you the most. Maybe it’s good to vary to discover new interests: how about a yoga session together, or going out to see a new place on the weekend?
- Family yes, even if we look at the calendar
Sharing with your family, seeing your parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents is a delight. In the same way, it is important for him to meet with his siblings, cousins and family life together. All this is part of the affective relationship of couples.
The problem comes when you see his parents more days in the year than you see yours. Do you spend more time with your brother-in-law than with your best friend? This is when I pull out the scales again and don’t bite my tongue: family yes, though with balance for both. If you want to see it, pull out the calendar and look at the time you share with family members. If there are reproaches, maybe it’s time to balance the visits.