We all want to have a happy married life. But most of the time, we forget how to get what we want from our partner in the first place, asking for it as if we feel entitled to it.
And that’s how the problems start, feeling that we can’t communicate, that we don’t feel loved or appreciated.
Therefore, we can say that for a happy life as a couple, we have to fulfill certain needs, such as:
The need for attention. This need includes the need for communication. We want to be able to benefit from our partner’s attention when we communicate how we feel, what we want or when we talk about our fears or fears.
The need for affection, love, romance. These needs can be expressed through: caresses, caresses, gestures of gratitude, words that caress our soul and mind alike. To couples who come for couples therapy I tell them that every person has their own story. But in a couple, in order to be functional, we need a common story, in which we both believe and invest.
The need for confirmation, i.e. confirmation that I am on the right track, that my investment in the couple is what my partner needs. Also, as part of this need I feel that I should be told as often as possible that I am smart, that I look and behave nice or that my current and future achievements make us both happy and confident in a shared future.
The need for freedom. Each of us wants to have our own freedom of thought, decision, expression and action. Having these freedoms, we can decide with accuracy what suits us, and the joy will be all the greater when we notice that, most of the time, what I think, the person next to me thinks.
The need for control complements the need for freedom and is based on our need to control, as much as possible, the wrong decisions of others. In this way we can make sure that our partner does not make wrong decisions by associating with toxic friends, developing all sorts of addictions (alcohol, drugs, medication, gambling), letting himself/herself get too worn out by a career that does more harm than good.
The need to build a career may contain my own freedom of decision regarding the choice of the field and the companies that I think can help me build the career I want.
The need to have children. This is a need that needs to be discussed and agreed upon as a couple, in order to make the best decisions about when and how to raise and educate a child.
These are just some of the primary needs of each of the two. If they want to build a life together, it is good to discuss these needs, as well as others that they consider important, in order to find together the best solutions that will benefit them both. If you fail for various reasons, you can turn to couples therapy to help you build a future plan that represents you both and makes you enjoy life together.
