All people are entitled to love, and all are worthy of it. We are born to love, and it is love that brings us happiness. However, sustaining a couple’s relationship does not come by itself; it requires constant involvement and connection with the person you love. We invite you to discover these simple but powerful ideas to cultivate love in a couple and maintain a robust, stable, and balanced relationship.
More and more researchers in neuropsychology and anthology are proving that we are born to love. Helen Fisher (probably the most renowned anthropologist studying the brain and love), the author of The Anatomy of Love, provides scientific evidence that love is a human impulse and represents one of the central brain systems involved in emotions that humans have exhibited in their evolution since 3 million years ago.
Helen Fisher simplifies and classifies 3 pathways of love as follows:
Physical attraction – the physical contact impulse that drives us towards reproduction and perpetuation of the species;
Romantic love – is that which drives us to love one person at a time, to focus our attention and feelings on that person alone;
Deep attachment – mature, strong, and balanced love- helps us build a strong couple relationship, team up with our partner, and raise children together.
Of all the three paths of love, romantic love seems to have the most significant impact on humans. But as love comes, it can also go… That’s why some of our thoughts and activities should go to the couple, through which we can cultivate and develop our love relationship.
More and more studies show how important touching and hugging between partners is for the soul and the relationship. A daily hug and hand-holding can bring back passion and tenderness to a couple. They seem simple gestures, but isn’t that what we’re all looking for?
Swap defensiveness for openness
We often feel unfairly accused or find it difficult to express our emotions, which is why we get defensive, want to defend ourselves, or prove we are correct. So instead of communicating what we want, we manage to sustain an argument.
In a strong relationship, partners open up, embrace their vulnerabilities, gently correct each other, are honest when they disagree, and participate in each other’s emotional development. But without openness, none of this can be possible.
Replace negative thoughts about your partner with causes of their behaviour or solutions
Of course, we don’t encourage toxic relationships, abuse of any kind, possessiveness, jealousy, and all those “pitfalls” that ruin a relationship. Instead, we are referring to those little negative thoughts. For example, “did he mean to accuse me of what he said? What do I understand?” can turn into a direct question: “I’m not clear what you meant, you mean… or to…?”. We often interpret some situations negatively without our thoughts being honest.
Communicate what’s weighing you down
Often, communicating what we want to our partner in life solves many problems. We expect reactions from the other person, but they seem absent – we can ask them gently. No one can read our thoughts, so it can be easier if we say them.
When you try to understand the other person’s emotions, you already understand their behaviour. You can find the most effective solutions—train empathy towards your partner daily. Don’t take decisions driven by impulsiveness, but listen beyond words and reactions.