Every breakup comes as a shock, an emotional one, which we go through in stages. We want to regain our balance as quickly as possible each time, with as minor “collateral damage” as possible. We suggest you read some tips for well-being after a breakup, as well as the psychological stages we all go through, stages that help us understand and be aware of what is happening to us.
The psychological stages we go through after a painful breakup
Psychologists and psychotherapists have agreed on the ‘grief graph’ so that all of us who go through this experience face several evolutionary emotional waves, which we go through until we accept and recover from a painful breakup:
Shock and denial – it can’t be true, it’s not happening, it’s just crisis talk that will pass. But the situation continues in the same direction, towards separation. These thoughts are present in the acute phase of grief, in the first 24-48 hours after the separation decision;
Anger and rebellion – with anger and pathos, everything seems wrong, not fair, blaming the other. Partner doesn’t understand what went wrong or was wrong in the relationship—feelings of helplessness and frustration dominate.
Negotiation – the hope that something can be done to reconcile. It is a time of identifying mistakes, looking for solutions, perhaps even trying to blackmail or control the other person, acting violently.
Depression and detachment – the partner begins to understand that they can’t go on, that the relationship won’t work, and that there is nothing more to do.
Acceptance – the relationship is over; it’s time to move on.
At this stage, everyone integrates the life lessons from the previous relationship, concludes, and the strategy for returning and reintegrating into the new life begins.
It is hard to find ourselves alone after a breakup. Still, it is also a step that helps us to rediscover our inner values, friends, and family to regain our independence. This recovery depends a lot on how the person concerned was involved in the relationship and on the maturity of the relationship. However, even if both partners in the couple were independent and in a mature relationship, the breakup is still painful.
Accept your grief and get to know yourself again.
What would it have been like if you hadn’t met at all? You’ve probably already imagined a future, hopeful and full of plans; you’re probably thinking in terms of “us” and not “me”, but now it’s time to rediscover yourself. Find what you love to do, take up a sport that helps you with stress management and sleep, allow yourself to retreat for a while, perhaps into food, and cry and grieve.
Take long walks, a hobby, sign up for the desired course, and watch a comedy show. It’s important now to find those activities that you do for yourself!
It’s normal to suffer inasmuch as you have loved and experienced beautiful moments that are worth keeping as memories, but life goes on.
Accept your experiences
Psychologists have proven that if we deal with our negative emotions and don’t try to ignore them, to overlook them, we learn to heal our inner wounds. So we need to permit ourselves to grieve, to think honestly about what was good and what was not, what memories are worth keeping and what we need to learn from. We can think about what we would like our relationship to look like in the future, where we would no longer allow compromise, and where we should work with ourselves.
Feel good
Our environment has a direct influence on us. You can choose to change your home decor or maybe your wardrobe, go to the gym, spend evenings out, take a weekend at the spa, get a library subscription, meet new people, or get involved in a project because now you have some extra time left that is worth investing in something that makes you feel good.
Every breakup comes as a shock, an emotional one, which we go through in stages. We want to regain our balance as quickly as possible each time, with as minor “collateral damage” as possible. We suggest you read some tips for well-being after a breakup, as well as the psychological stages we all go through, stages that help us understand and be aware of what is happening to us.
