1/ Identify the problem
What was the cause of the sinking of your couple? Give yourself some time to think about it before launching into your salvage business. Otherwise you might miss out on some essential points… And your problems could be repeated in the future! But that’s not what you want. Very often, we can identify several recurring causes to a relationship that no longer works:
A loss of desire, and/or of the feeling of love.
A communication problem causing misunderstanding between partners.
The betrayal of one of the partners (disrespect, violence, infidelity, lies…).
Whatever the cause(s) of your couple’s loss of momentum, be sure you have identified it before taking the necessary measures. Take a step back rather than rushing headlong. And above all, do it together!
2/ Act as a team
Because yes, you are still a couple as far as I know. What is a couple? It is above all a team (more or less united). So act as such. If only one of you is trying to save your couple, there is little chance that he or she will succeed. The desire must come from both! And for this to happen, both partners need to realize that the couple is not doing well, and both need to agree on the reasons for the difficulties.
Be patient – it can take time! Patience is also one of the keys to the couple! Don’t imagine that everything will work out from one day to the next because the other one decides… No, it’s a long term job. Because living as a couple is an everyday struggle. Everything is never rosy. But living as a couple is also that: it is having made the conscious choice to be there for and with the other in the good times as well as in the harder times! Try to remember together what brought you and your loved one together, and try to remember the words you might have said when everything was going well. Don’t lock yourself into an unhealthy nostalgia, but rather try to fight together to get back to that state of mind from the first moments.
Once you have understood what is wrong: one is too housebound, the other goes out too much, communication problems, adultery… You will look together for the solution(s): how to act now, for the future? Now the course and act on the long term, you will see that together you can make magic!
3/ Dare to seek outside help
Beware, not just any! No matter how much you love your mother/stepmother (or any other member of your family), she is anything but well placed to interfere in your marital problems… Certainly some valuable advice can be useful to take from friends and family, but don’t make the mistake of taking your marital problems out of your private circle. Or do so at your own risk!
Instead, call on a professional: a marriage counselor, couple therapy… And once again, make sure that you are together and willing in this process! These professionals will be far more likely than anyone else to help you. So there is nothing wrong with calling on them.
4/ Learn how to argue
Yes yes, you read it right. Running away from conflict only leads to postponing a deadline, and therefore makes things worse in the long run. Know how to oppose, but do it properly! Listen to your partner at these times, try not to get carried away, state your point of view without accusing or hurting the other. Show that you are just trying to find the best solution for both of you, no matter what happens. If you feel like you are getting carried away, if the tone is rising, take a break!
It doesn’t mean slam the door and not come back for several hours. Just give yourself a break, blow into each other’s corners for 20 minutes, an hour or so, and then resume the conversation. With a rested head and a little hindsight you will surely be able to find a compromise!
5/ Break the routine
Pointed out quite often, and rightly so, as the public enemy n°1 of couples that last, have no pity for routine! Insidious, it settles in, and puts bodies and minds to sleep… How to fight routine? Break your daily routine? How can you do it? Among the many possibilities: make projects together and make them happen. At least, try! Get off the couch, change your perspective, relearn to project yourself and build a beautiful future! Invest in a new hobby, a new activity, a new weekend program. Run away from the couch… Except for cuddling!
Because, yes, fighting routine also involves this: finding intimacy as a couple. It is difficult to maintain the desire for the other as it was on the first day. And yet cuddles under the pillow are essential to the good health of the couple! So spice up your life as a couple… Attract the flame! You have at your disposal a lot of means to reactivate your libido: toys, naughty literature, teasing clothes etc…
With patience and communication, if you work together, nothing can stop you. It may take some time, but remember that it will always be worth the effort.
