5 most common mistakes we make when researching the “Real”

We are too goal-oriented
It is naturally beneficial to set goals for our lives, as they can motivate and inspire us to become an even better “me”. Whether it’s our health, our diet, loving ourselves, starting our own business, or even our career or hobbies, it’s worth thinking in terms of goals.

These are all noble aspirations. But when it comes to dating, being goal-oriented may not be as helpful as it is in other aspects of life.

You might want to get married, adopt a puppy, buy a house, start a family, but these don’t necessarily have to be explicit goals.

Think of a given relationship this way: there is a beginning, a middle and a happy ending. In fact, you may well enjoy all the stages and not just the rosy happy ending, because it’s fine to work to stabilise the relationship, but then it’s a long, sometimes up and down, but nevertheless enjoyable journey, the stages of which you can plan together – but it’s worth dreaming about with the person who will be your partner on this ‘journey’.

It is important that your lover shares similar views and life plans as you, but if you want to jump straight to the happy ending, you will miss the exciting “middle” part, and you don’t want that either.

“We’ll wait until…”
Another common mistake women often make when it comes to dating is procrastination. The attitude of “we’ll date when…”

We’ll jump into dating when we’re healthier, fitter, more successful at work, more financially stable, maybe have our own place, or when we can get out of bed without hitting the snooze button…

Don’t let your own insecurities stop you from finding true love. What you really need is love for yourself.

Instead of giving yourself a million and one reasons why you’re not ready to date, be confident and know what you want.

Studies show that if you don’t want to break into the realm of casual encounters and fun, you need to show it. The dating site Plenty of Fish found that people who put the word ‘love’ in their profile were more successful in finding meaningful relationships when searching for someone to date online.

Different expectations
Dating is a difficult game. Even if your expectations are sky high, and even if you set the bar low.

Of course, it’s worth keeping some of your desired personality traits and characteristics in mind when searching for the perfect partner. At the same time, remember that you will most certainly not meet someone who is 100% perfect, so don’t overstate your expectations as you will end up chasing an unattainable image.

On the other hand, the more frustrated your daughter is with dating, the more likely she is to end up giving a chance to someone she would not otherwise date. In such a case, the worst thing to do is to compromise and give room for a lack of respect and appreciation.

Don’t let your desire for a relationship override your self-worth. You are fantastic, and you deserve a man who is exactly as into you as you are into him.

Time is our best friend when we’re looking for our dream partner. The key is to be patient and find it.

We overthink everything
Nervousness is normal on a first date and often makes you do things you wouldn’t otherwise do. For example, we order that extra glass of wine, and/or start talking too much about an old relationship or personal problems.

Don’t overthink your date. You feel good about yourself, you want a future with someone, but at the same time, don’t let your desire for a real commitment override your ability to have a real conversation.

It’s perfectly fine to want your potential partner to get to know you as much as possible, but don’t make the encounter all about you. Good conversations are based on the law of give and take. Feel free to ask your partner about their childhood, their family, their hobbies, their taste in music, the list is endless. A healthy reciprocity can do wonders for your communication skills.

I’m hooked on online dating apps
Nowadays, there’s a dazzling array of dating apps and websites that are supposed to help you find the love of your dreams. But to find them, you need to meet them in person – a 2013 survey found that a third of people who use online dating apps NEVER meet the people they chat to in the seedy confines of the internet.

And even if you do, the statistics aren’t on your side. A study also shows that romances that bud online are more likely to end in break-ups.

So we make a big mistake if we focus on online dating instead of the random and enjoyable moments and situations of real life. You know that popular diagram with the words “your comfort zone” written in a circle. And around it, “where the magic happens”…