Have a frank discussion
It is essential that the person who has been hurt at least feels heard and listened to. It also, paradoxically, helps some people to know more details about their partner’s affair.
Own the pain caused
The cheating partner should take responsibility for the pain he or she has caused and not defend himself or herself by making excuses. If the cheater isn’t even willing to listen to how much damage he or she has done, then the relationship probably isn’t worth saving.
Write or talk in detail about the hurt you caused
For most people who have been betrayed, promises that it won’t happen again mean nothing. It is best to show that you understand how much pain you have caused the one next to you, with as many of the details as possible, down to the deepest aspects. Write or talk about them and try to convince your partner by actions that you will change.
Express your anger and pain (for the one who has been cheated on)
Out of a desire to save the relationship and a fear of being alone, some people don’t talk about how hurt they feel, preferring silence. But this way, the other person will not know how much harm has been done and may even relapse.
Take more responsibility for the future
The cheating partner is up to one hundred percent guilty, but the betrayed one should also be aware that something went wrong since it happened and that maybe they could have done something in time to avoid such a situation. Therefore, in the future the betrayed should also strive to initiate intimacy more often.
Although it sounds drastic, it’s a way to regain trust, especially for the one who has been hurt. It is essential that the two establish rules that allow the betrayed one to supervise the other more closely for a while.
For example, he or she can demand that the other person answer the phone all the time, even when they can’t have a conversation, or, if the affair was online, that the other person can look at what the other person is typing on the computer. As barbaric as it sounds, there are strategies that help the cheater regain trust and the other person prove that they deserve trust. Of course, these measures are only for a limited time.
Ignore the stories (for the cheater)
Old sayings often say that he who has cheated once will cheat a second time. However, although this is also possible, it’s good to see the full side of the glass, because there are plenty of exceptions.
Try to find the good side of things
After discovering that you’ve been betrayed it’s natural to feel that the relationship isn’t working, but think about the fact that most couples who have lasted many years together have at some point gone through an episode of this kind. In addition, many couples who get over an affair end up being closer than before, and the efforts of those involved lead to a unique, heartfelt relationship.
The healing process of a relationship that has been shaken by an affair is quite a long one, sometimes taking a year and a half and even longer for partners to feel better as a couple.
And during all this time there can be ups and downs that can frighten you, even making you think it would be better to give up. But if you manage to get through the hardest period, you can have a much stronger bond.