If couples want to be happy in the long run, they should have the same or at least similar views on these three points in particular
If a couple wants to be happy in the long run, both partners have to work on themselves regularly. But in some relationships, less needs to be done than in others. Scientists give a simple reason why this is so.
Couples are happy together primarily when they match each other in three crucial ways. Scientists describe these three things as the three ego states. They designate essential factors that we have been given or have learned or developed ourselves during our lives so far.
The Ego State “The Parents”
This ego state summarizes the things we have been given by our parents in terms of knowledge, attitudes and values. This determines whether two people have the same values, a similar upbringing, and life plans.
For example, if one of you has learned from your parents to strive for success and is a real career person, a happy relationship will be difficult to achieve if the other person has been given a completely different set of goals by his or her parents and is more likely to do voluntary work, for example. Likewise, it can be difficult if one of you is strictly religious, while the other considers any belief in a higher power not worthwhile.
The Ego State “The Child
This ego state primarily describes our emotional world. How do you spend your time together and, most importantly, what do you feel?
The feelings in a relationship are essential. And it is not only about the love felt on both sides, but above all about the feelings in everyday life. What do you feel when you do everyday things together? Are you rather annoyed or do you enjoy the presence of the other person? Listen openly to yourself and ask your partner how he or she feels. Honest answers can reveal whether you really agree on this point.
The “Adult” Ego State
This summarizes things learned over the years that become essential in a relationship. Can you work on and solve problems together? How intelligent do you think your partner is? Does he or she rate them the same way?
Things learned later influence our behavior just as much as knowledge or attitudes acquired in early childhood. They determine how good a team we form with our partner. Those who can build on equally good or complementary skills here quickly form an unbeatable team, for whom hardly any problem could cause serious concern.