Why do we women beat ourselves up so much when we are heartbroken?
When women are heartbroken after a breakup, they often use humiliating means to fight to get the man back. Why do we do this to ourselves?
Let’s be clear: When we women are heartbroken, we sometimes make a real mess of ourselves. We call our ex forever, send embarrassing text messages when we’re drunk, or show up at his club by chance to give him a seductive lap dance – which, unfortunately, doesn’t do anything except make us feel bad afterwards.
The question is: why do we do this to ourselves? If the man has already broken up with us, why do we have to humiliate ourselves like this?
You would think that we women would have enough self-confidence by now to just let a man who doesn’t want us go. After all, there are many other handsome men in this world.
But the exact opposite seems to be the case. As soon as a man says ” It’s over. ” something in us women switches to fight mode. No matter how badly the man has treated us, then we want him back at any price. Stupidly, when women fight, they too often choose humiliating methods.
One example of this very bad style: posting weepy selfies on Facebook – or spamming photos of the ex with longing comments. That’s just embarrassing. And it’s guaranteed not to bring him back. No man wants to be with a woman who so obviously has no self-esteem anymore.
But why do we humans like to tick off so much when it comes to lovesickness?
Parship coach Eric Hegmann tries to explain the phenomenon: “The sensations at a breakup are very similar to those at the death of a loved one and are among the most intense life experiences. And there are many feelings added to the loss: fear of change, reproaches, self-doubt… This wave of feelings then literally washes us away. Separation pain is also a withdrawal symptom from the usual attachment hormones. This shows itself in psychological but also in physical pain. In such situations, not everyone has themselves completely under control. While this explains some freakouts, it’s not meant to excuse them.”
And what can we actually do about it?
“First of all, accept that these feelings are there. That they will pass. Eventually. Some people are helped by the idea that they are going through a biochemical withdrawal, others by turning in on themselves to redefine their own desires and goals. Since separation pain always has to do with individual attachment experiences, everyone has to find the appropriate path for themselves. In my experience, for example, it often helps faster not to deal exclusively with oneself but, on the contrary, to support others. The gratitude that is received through this builds up immensely and makes one optimistic again.”
What does NOT help, the relationship expert emphasizes, is posting pity pictures on Facebook! Up to six months longer takes the processing of a relationship , if it is continued in social networks, for example, by frequently dealing with the timeline of the ex-partner.
The only way to make an ex-husband interested again is to be happy again. Without him. As soon as we become again the confident and radiant woman who doesn’t need him to be happy, who attracts other people with her charisma like moths to a flame, so soon he will think to himself, “Damn, why did I ever leave this great woman?”
However, whether we still want the man back then, we should think more than three times. Once you’ve left, you’re likely to leave again very quickly.