For those of you who have ever fallen for a man who is allergic to commitment, raise your hand! Those who have met this profile several times, to the point of wondering if all men are not, deep down, phobic about serious relationships, raise your hand! I raised my hand twice, what about you? If we were in a room full of women of all ages, you would see many, many hands raised, and on some… a wedding ring! How did they do it?
While we’ve all crossed paths with a man who runs away from the words “future” or “love”, some women have figured out how to permanently stop attracting that profile. I’ll tell you their secrets:
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask the Real Questions on the First Date
You usually realize that the man you’re dating is a commitment phobe much too late: it’s not at the beginning of the relationship but when you start to project yourself with this man that you understand that you’re not on the same wavelength. From then on, you feel not only disappointed but also betrayed in your expectations and, worst of all, you have the unpleasant feeling of having wasted your time.
In reality, did this man really hide from you that he couldn’t plan with you (or with anyone else), or did you simply forget to ask him?
You may not have really forgotten to ask him about commitment, but you may have avoided it because you didn’t want to scare him off. But he might have answered you with a lot of honesty that you could never expect from him. So how do you go about it? Know that there is no taboo question, even during the first dates: the main thing is not to ask your date what he plans to do with you when he doesn’t even know who you are yet and what he might feel.
On the other hand, there’s no reason not to ask him about his vision of the couple in general, if he’s already had long relationships, or how he imagines himself in 5 years.
Take care of what’s left of your Oedipus Complex
We all went through the Oedipus complex as children, but we carry more or less strong resistance to it into our adult relationships. The love that a little girl feels for her father is the first experience of a dissymmetrical couple where the man cannot commit himself.
Having multiple commitment-phobic partners may be a sign that you are unconsciously replaying this first love with the men you meet. The help of a shrink may be essential!
Stop Thinking of Your Relationships as a Game of Chess to Win
Sometimes the man you’re dating can be quite clear about his intentions. He tells you frankly that he appreciates you and the time you spend together, but he honestly warns you that he’s not in the right place in his life to make a commitment, or that he feels he’s not yet ready for what a serious relationship requires.
How do you react in these cases? Do you take the consequences and leave the one who had the merit of being honest, without rancor, because he can’t offer you what you want, or do you stay and say to yourself “Yes, of course, it may have been true with the others, but I’m going to make you change your mind little by little, I’m going to win your heart for nothing”? You can play this game, but most of the time, you lose, because the rules were set at the beginning and you wanted to change them during the game.
Ask for Reciprocity
If you are looking to build a committed relationship, you are committing yourself a lot to the relationship: you give a lot of your time, you are dedicated, you do favors, you project yourself, and that is a good thing… except when it is not reciprocated! Ask your partner to take care of you as you take care of him, and if this “requirement” that is not a requirement makes him run away, it means that he is not at all ready to commit!
Be clear about your own image of commitment
What do you mean by “commitment”, “engagement”, “marriage”, “couple life”? If you can’t define these words precisely and spontaneously, you can’t visualize what you expect from love, nor can you even differentiate your expectations from what you already have. On the other hand, if your vision of commitment is sinister and close to confinement and possession, it is normal that it does not attract the man who would potentially want to commit. So take the time to think about your vision of the couple in the long term and to differentiate between commitment and imprisonment. You’ll see, you’ll release much more positive and attractive energies!