Loving someone to the point of madness can be a big problem. Even more so when you are a girl who for a long time has suffered from insecurity or who has had fears due to bad experiences in the past that we still can’t fully overcome. The need to feel loved every minute of the day becomes an obsession and during the process, we do hateful things, hoping that these will give us control of the relationship to be sure that he only has eyes, time and life for us.
It is clear that when we do this, the only thing we get is the complete opposite of what we believe we are achieving. And worst of all, we begin to sabotage ourselves and act in a way that we neither are nor want to be.
They say it’s funny how when we are doing the best in life, it’s when we put our foot down to cause ourselves problems and ruin those nice things that are happening to us.
Recently my boyfriend got tired of my personality and broke up with me and today, after analyzing for many days everything I did to ruin our relationship, I can say that I did a lot of really stupid and senseless things, which I felt would give me control, security and would have him “tied” to me for life. Today I want to share them with you, because to tell you the truth, many of us do them, but not all of us manage to realize it in time.
Note: We have partnered with ‘I Need Advice’ to help you if you are going through a time when you need to talk to someone about a self-esteem problem, relationship or any other dilemma you have.
Demanding you delete your friends
And even friends that we feel are being “picked on” or that we don’t like.
Change our personality… little by little
Many of us begin (without realizing it and without wanting to) to change our way of being, and we end up being totally the opposite of when we started dating.
Stalk him even when he goes to the bathroom
If he puts his cell phone in the bathroom, we start questioning him about why he puts his cell phone in the bathroom… something crazy.
Ask for explanations when he doesn’t have to give them.
“Why didn’t you answer my message at the exact moment I sent it to you?”, “Why did that old lady give you a like?”, “Why do you like that song? It must remind you of someone. Calm down! There is no need to harass him.
Thinking we are smarter than him
Acting and doing things that we think he won’t notice as “suspicious” will make him lose confidence in us. If you have any concerns, it’s better to tell him and not go around feeling him out. Don’t make him feel like a fool.
Questioning him about his ex-girlfriends
We shouldn’t have to care about relationships that happened before we met him.
Believing we’re his mom
Telling him what to do and when to do it is something no one likes to do. Even less so when you feel you are the one who can give and not give him permission to go out somewhere or to do things.
Throwing a tantrum when we want to get something
I don’t know what the intention is or why we do it, but this doesn’t make us look cute. On the contrary.
Not knowing how to accept blame or give an apology
This is definitely the worst mistake many of us make (I include myself). And I learned it the hard way. If I had only known that an apology does not make us “less strong”, my relationship would have been different.
Wanting to “turn things around”.
How many times don’t we try to turn things around when we don’t like to be told our truths? And worst of all, we do the impossible so that instead of dialoguing and solving the problem, he ends up asking for forgiveness.