More and more women are marrying at an older age, living unmarried or choosing to be alone. This doesn’t mean that we have suddenly run out of men or become too picky. For many women, being alone is simply more comfortable.
experts notes that more people are choosing solitude because society as a whole has become weaned on lively communication. “It is much easier to communicate in social networks, in workplaces, because there are no domestic things.
It avoids a lot of the awkwardness that happens when you get too close to someone. A very close relationship requires more emotional input, time, effort. We are used to this, which is why many women choose a virtual partner rather than a family, domestic partner,” It is difficult to predict whether this general cooling will progress and in the future we will be less and less able to maintain a close relationship. Some people are coming to their senses and leaving social networks for live entertainment and communication, while others are still discovering virtual communication and are immersing themselves in it headfirst.
Loneliness has its advantages
Until relatively recently, a single woman was looked down upon as a very unlucky person for not having a family. Even very successful women were labelled old maids. Nowadays, it would be a complete misnomer to talk about an unmarried woman in this way. Women who have chosen to live alone are certainly not to be pitied, they are successful, they have rich leisure activities and they are perfectly content. According to the psychotherapist, being able to take care of oneself is one of the greatest advantages of being single.
“Single women can spend time with themselves, they don’t have to adapt to anything, neither in the household nor in their leisure time. Time to yourself, solitude, being with yourself, consciously choosing solitude are the basis of our mental health. Neither in the noise nor in the constant contact with others can we be aware of what is really going on inside us. We need the peace and quiet that solitude provides. Then we can meditate, dream, draw conclusions or make plans for the future. Everyone needs this moment of introspection.”
For women in families, I encourage them to find time for themselves. By nature, we tend to give, so we give all of ourselves to our partner, to our children, and forget ourselves. That never happens to single women.
“Single women also protect themselves from a lot of unpleasant emotions. Even if they have a close person with whom they communicate virtually, at a distance, or at least if they live separately, these relationships cannot evoke the same strong emotions as a living person who is always close by,” explains the specialist. – Of course, over time, the ability to communicate closely can be lost. Already, many people no longer know how to say a lively sentence or shake hands, because it’s much easier to do it via text messages or social networking.”
No partner is better than a bad one
It is quite common for women to choose loneliness after a failed relationship. “You could say that you don’t want to go down the same road a third time. More seriously, if life has taught us lessons twice and we haven’t learnt them, sometimes it’s more convenient not to learn the lesson at all.
We do not want to start a new family again after a divorce, not least because women take on a lot of responsibility when they live in a family – they work, they look after the house, the children, and often the husband too. Who would want to pull such a wagon again after pulling it twice,” In fact, Lithuanian men are not the most suitable partners for family life. They are usually spoiled, and it is rare that they take responsibility for the family – to support it, take care of the children and the household. Society has bred a very weak generation of men. Women themselves, our mothers’ generation, have protected them too much from the world, pampered and praised them too much. Now they are looking for the most beautiful, intelligent, well-paid, tasty and many other excellent qualities in women, so that they can live easily. It is not surprising that many Lithuanian women marry men from other countries, because they value women differently and have more to offer them. It is certainly not uncommon for a woman to choose to live alone rather than have a man as a burden.”
Freedom and responsibility
Many people associate a single woman with being a free woman – doing what she wants, when she wants. “Of course, freedom is tempting for everyone, especially for those who are quite limited by commitments to their partner and children. But let’s not forget that with the freedom to make decisions, a single person also has full responsibility for her life. When you have a partner, you can share the responsibility for the common good half and half. When you are alone, all the responsibility falls on your shoulders. No one is going to carry your money, cook your meals, clean your house, pay your taxes, change your car tyres, etc. It is not so easy to cope with the gift of freedom and the burden, which is why loneliness is chosen by quite strong people”.
On the one hand, women are beginning to question whether they need a man if they can do everything themselves. On the other hand, men are wary of such independent women because they don’t know how to assist them, how to help them, how to be useful.
Femininity is not just about motherhood
It is commonly believed that motherhood is the true expression of femininity, which is why women who do not have children of their own volition are often viewed critically. In fact, the need for different women to become mothers may even differ greatly. For some, not having children is painful, so women who live alone sometimes genuinely become the good aunts of the family – always in a good mood, generous, hospitable, cooking the most delicious food and always happy to spend time with the offspring of other relatives.
Other women feel feminine, despite the prevailing notion that femininity comes from being around a man, from having children. She understands femininity as nurturing her body and spirit – meditating, exercising, enjoying beauty treatments.
The desire to care and nurture can be expressed in ways other than childbirth and child rearing. They visit lonely elderly people, take care of stray animals, etc.
Creativity is another way of expressing femininity. Women who do creative work or create in their spare time feel much more fulfilled in life.
The real reasons
Many women are single not because they got up one fine morning and decided that’s the way they were going to live – it just happened. By the way, perhaps the biggest myth is that women become single because they are too focused on their careers or hate men. It’s no secret that women are perfectly capable of multitasking, and dividing their attention between work and family would certainly not be the most difficult task.
So what are the most common causes of loneliness? According to a survey, 25% of women are single because their expectations of men and relationships are too high; 23% are good at realising their feminine nature in other areas of their lives; 21% have had painful experiences in the past and therefore avoid relationships; 20% are lonely because they are not in a relationship. 20% have a difficult character and cannot find a long-term partner; 5% are afraid of relationships, commitment and love; 3% put freedom before family and commitment; 2% are careerists and the same percentage consider men inferior to themselves.
No need to run away from yourself
Women who can no longer imagine their life with a partner in a family have a counterbalance – women who are afraid of being alone and try to keep their partner close to them in every way.
“It’s a kind of running away from yourself. It’s quite difficult to be alone with yourself. It’s hard to be alone, and you find that you’re quite empty, you’re not interesting to yourself and only the environment or other people give you more value. Being alone with your emptiness is quite painful, so people prefer the hustle, the bustle, the socialising. There is really no need to be afraid of loneliness, because the emptiness inside can be filled and improved.
We need to look around, remember our childhood, what we wanted, what we dreamed of, maybe we didn’t fulfil some expectations – it’s never too late to start doing something for ourselves,” says the psychotherapist. – We have five senses that inform us about the world around us. One day we can see something new, hear something new, taste something, touch something – that’s how we can raise our value. The world is very colourful and rich – books, cinema, theatre, music – you just have to take a step forward.”