How to revitalise a relationship: things you haven’t thought about

Most couples take their relationship with their other half for granted and don’t bother to make the effort. Unfortunately, this kind of thinking only hurts. If you want to rekindle your feelings, you need to nurture them constantly. Psychologists say that it is possible and even necessary to rediscover each other.

In India, many marriages are still planned by parents. But there are fewer divorces in this country than anywhere else in the world.

Why is that? Neither the man nor the woman knows each other when they marry, so they have to live in a constant effort to get to know, understand and love their spouse, which is a constant work in progress. While Europeans feel happy at the beginning of a marriage, in the long run, satisfaction with the relationship wanes and, unfortunately, the marriage often ends in divorce. But there is a way to save a relationship. The most important thing is to be willing to brighten up the daily routine, to show attention, to talk, to notice the good qualities of the other half, because it is necessary to keep building the relationship.

The power of gratitude
There are times when relationships seem so natural that we stop thanking our spouse or saying a nicer word. However, it is necessary to notice and appreciate even the smallest efforts of our spouse. Remember how much the little things (coffee in bed or an unexpected kiss) meant at the beginning of the relationship. So start appreciating even the smallest things more. And you need to know how to say thank you in a way that really makes the person feel it, in other words, to personalise it. So saying “Thank you for dinner. I was very hungry” will not do at all, even if you feel you have been thanked from the heart. Thank them in a way that makes them feel a personal connection, for example, “You are a fantastic cook, the dinner was wonderful.”

Love notes instead of magnets
When was the last time you wrote a love note to each other? Maybe it’s even hard to remember? If so, it’s time to relive those memories. Turn one of the most familiar items in your home – the fridge – into an object on which you can stick wishes, declarations of love or thank-you notes. For example, if you get up later than your spouse, stick a note in the evening saying “Good morning, good day! Kisses.” You’ll probably find a reply later. Perhaps these notes could grow into longer love letters? It’s up to you!

Flower therapy grown together
It may sound strange, but if your relationship has cooled down, or if you don’t get along at all, an unexpected method can help. Some psychologists suggest growing a plant together. It should be a symbol of love, a symbol of the relationship. You should take care of it together, watering it, trimming dead leaves, feeding it, dusting it. Ideally you should do this together, but if that doesn’t work, you can do it separately. Such a seemingly simple thing should bring you closer, unite you, as it is a symbol of a shared activity, a symbol of connection. In other words, the flower will be like an expression of your relationship: you will take care of it, nurture it, see it grow, bloom, become more beautiful, and slowly you will notice that your relationship is improving too.

You don’t have to take it too seriously, just take it as a fun game and see what happens. And if the flower should happen to wilt, do not blame your spouse. Rather, sit down and talk about why this happened. The conversation may also highlight problems in your relationship that are worth discussing (maybe one of you often has no time, no attention, no love, other priorities, etc.). Perhaps these reasons have also prevented you from keeping a beautiful flower blooming?

Turn anger into laughter
It’s sad if life is seen through dark glasses. Laughter, on the other hand, improves and prolongs it. Partners who gently tease each other during conflicts, who pull each other’s teeth, are much closer than those who take conflicts very seriously. For example, if you are annoyed that your spouse is constantly throwing things away and not putting them back together, you might jokingly refer to him or her as a lost property magnet. This will not offend or cause conflict, but it will make it clear that you don’t like this behaviour and that you want more order in the house. Of course, choose your tone too: it should not sound reproachful, angry (because that can be offensive), but gentle, as if you were asking.

Little surprises
Most couples try to pamper their other half in various ways after a hard day at work. Some prepare dinner, others tidy up the house to make it more cosy. However, sometimes this can be a disservice, as it can make your partner feel neglected and guilty that you had to go to so much trouble. Want to cheer up? Best discover a subtle, sweet way, known only to you, to brighten up your other half’s afternoon. For example, you could buy a favourite treat, throw in some flowers or surprise them in some other way. By the way, small surprises strengthen the bond, so it’s important to keep that in mind.

Is silence a good thing?
No matter how long your relationship lasts, you can’t say that you know and understand each other completely. Spouses are often afraid to reveal their true feelings and thoughts so as not to hurt the other. If you want a strong, close relationship, you need to make time for honest conversations. Do you know each other’s needs? Do you express your grievances, hopes, dreams and fantasies? You need to talk because your other half may have no idea what is going on inside you. Do you want your partner to give you flowers more often? Say. Want to spend more time together? Make your wishes known! Sometimes, once you’ve talked it out, all you had to do was sit down and listen to each other.