Do you go through life falling from one failed relationship to another? It happens to a lot of people. We fall and we get up and we suffer until we learn some important truths about love.
We fall in love with our ideals and ideas, not with people
Everyone does it, even those of us who say we accept a person as they are. It takes years to really get to know each other. It’s not just a matter of spending time together, but of trials. When we experience enough different situations with a person, only then can we say we know them. It turns out that until then we are just in love with the ideas we have built up about him.
Even at the beginning of the relationship, when we don’t quite know the person yet, we already see promise in the little we have learned about him. Everything else the brain fills in is based on past experiences and what we think we know about love and people.
Everyone wants a relationship for selfish reasons
Not in a bad way, of course. We just want to be loved, have someone protect us, take care of us, be happy. Especially if we didn’t get all that in our childhood, we look at romantic love as the cure that will finally fill that void.
And you know what? It’s completely natural because we all want to be important to someone, appreciated and understood. We just hope that our happiness and the happiness of another person we love will match.
In every relationship there are invariably bad days
It would be wonderful if that weren’t the case, but unfortunately, there are no such relationships. Something always goes wrong at some point, we say things that hurt each other. Yes, there are no perfect people. Even the one we see as the ideal one, he is also just a person.
But, if someone is really important to us, we will always find a way to forgive them and give them a chance. Because when you make a mistake, you expect to be forgiven. And you should. At least in most cases it is.
Sometimes our heart will be open and sometimes it won’t
It’s impossible to always feel crazy love for our partner. In fact, sometimes we’ll feel like we don’t like him at all. And he too will periodically feel similar feelings. In most cases, it’s nobody’s fault. It just happens, but it’s not the end of the world.
Feelings pass – all feelings, good and bad. That is simply life.
It is impossible to feel love without feeling fear
We all hate to be afraid. It’s a bad feeling, but we have to get used to it if we want a serious relationship. Fear always goes hand in hand with true love. And the stronger the love, the greater the risk and fear.
Loving someone means accepting the fact that you can be hurt. It means being aware that you may lose that person – through separation or death. We feel this fear in different ways – sometimes as irritation, anger, sometimes as numbness. But when there is fear, it is a sign that this person and this relationship are really important to you.
Love is important, but it is not enough for the success of a relationship
It is not enough at all. Love doesn’t conquer all, even though they say so. You can love someone with all your heart and still not be able to be together with them – for example, because of addictions, serious mental illness, etc.
Love is an important part of a good relationship, but not the only part. We also need honesty, compatibility, trust, communication and many other things. These are what will help us get through the difficult times.
Our partner will die one day, just like us, and we don’t know when or how that will happen
We all know it, but we forget. And the truth is we never know how much longer we have to be with that person. Something could happen to him or to us tomorrow, next week or in half an hour. So don’t wait to say the important things to the one you love, nor put off making your relationship the way you want it!