Why does jealousy arise, and how does it become so powerful that it controls other emotions? How does jealousy manage to turn love into feelings of hate and revenge? It is said that jealousy is born with love, we cannot avoid it, but we can control it before it destroys our relationship or inner balance.
What is jealousy?
I think each of us describes jealousy in our way, but it is essentially an emotion born out of fear and trauma. Low self-esteem, a painful experience, fear of abandonment, fear of loneliness… these are all pillars of jealousy, making it easy to understand why it is such a complex emotion and why each of us feels it differently.
Jealousy does not discriminate; it is something that both men and women, young and old, struggle with. It grows and develops at the expense of our vulnerability.
How can we control jealousy?
Jealousy drives us to unjustified reactions, to unjustified negative thoughts and can even lead to extreme violence. When jealousy seems to take control of us, it may be an excellent time to seek the help of a psychotherapist to rediscover the path to balance and control.
Jealousy can be harder or easier to control; how we feel it depends very much on our inner balance.
Here are some steps to help us free ourselves from jealousy and genuinely enjoy our relationship:
Learn that no one owes you anything and has no obligations to you. A relationship is only as beautiful as it is beautiful; people are constantly changing, so no relationship can have the security of permanence.
Strengthen your self-confidence: whatever happens, make sure you succeed. Don’t give up the possibility of earning money if you’re afraid of money troubles, losing friends who can help you, or relationships with your family. These directions can help you lessen the anxiety of abandonment and loneliness.
Read books that are motivational and help you think positively every day. You can read the life stories of people who have overcome life’s obstacles or books about anger management, self-love, personal development, and so on.
Keep in touch with reality: if you feel like she’s cheating on you, maybe she is. But we each have it in us to move on. Don’t let negative thoughts blind you, but don’t try to hide reality from yourself, either. Make the right decisions, even if they hurt, calmly and objectively.
Don’t smother your partner with the need to control or to discover the truth, don’t invade their privacy if they won’t let you. Whether you do or not, his choices are the same. You can focus your efforts on what matters to you. If you feel unhappy in a relationship, whether there is loyalty or not, a change is needed.
Don’t let impulsiveness and nervousness control your reactions, even if you feel that justice is on your side. Arguing, yelling, and maybe even name-calling is not helpful no matter what the situation is.
You deserve to be truly loved, but at the same time, every new love deserves every chance.
Jealousy may be born with love, but it can destroy everything that builds love. Let love guide your life!
