My dear, I understand. You’re just trying to protect your heart.
Here are some things people don’t realize you do just because you’re afraid of not getting hurt:
You drive people away.
Every time you allow someone into your life, you start to push them away because you’re sure they’ll be gone in no time. You tell yourself that everyone else before has left… so why will this time be any different? People can promise they’ll stay, but that doesn’t mean they mean it. After all, the ones you loved with all your heart hurt you the most.
You become very reserved.
You need to guard your heart, so you’re very reserved. You don’t leave much out; in many situations, you come to be seen as cold, unfeeling, not at all sensitive, and extremely strong and closed.
You convince yourself and convince those around you that you cannot be loved.
You have almost convinced yourself that you cannot be loved. And now you’re trying to convince those around you that this is true. It’s been so long since your last real relationship that you’ve forgotten what it’s like to be loved, and you’ve come to believe that no one in this world can love you. You’ve decided that you’re unworthy of love, that people aren’t capable of loving you, or, on the contrary, that you’re far too difficult to receive real love.
When someone gets too close and begins to have feelings for you, you start to retreat into your shell… because dark thoughts are running through your mind telling you that it’s only a matter of time before they discover your flaws, realize who you are, and choose to leave. You never think he might stay… because you’ve been betrayed so many times you can’t trust anyone. What’s more, you think the problem is with you, not others. You think you don’t deserve and can’t be loved.
You close yourself off.
You pretend not to care; you are cold and very calm about everything, essential or less critical. You don’t give much away; you don’t say much about yourself, not because you wouldn’t like someone to know you and see how beautiful your heart is, but because you can’t start over. You can’t open your heart to someone else and then suffer again. You don’t feel like playing anymore, which is why you pretend you have no feelings, are indifferent, and don’t need anything from anyone.
You are always looking for excuses.
Oh, and how many excuses? You always find different reasons for not doing things. The reason? You’re afraid of where you’ll end up. You’re always thinking only of the wrong things, always putting the bad in the front. You find entirely ridiculous excuses so that you push away people interested in you because you don’t want to fall in love anymore; you don’t want to let your heart get involved because then there is a risk of it being exposed again. And you refuse to suffer anymore.
But… let me tell you something. Your whole life is about risk. You grow by taking risks. By taking risks, you get to fulfill your dreams. And most importantly, by taking risks, you discover true love. You’ve suffered… but that doesn’t mean you’ll suffer forever. Stop being so afraid and step out of your comfort zone. Allow the right people to see how beautiful the love you can give is. Allow your soulmate to find their way into your heart.