What to do to get through a painful breakup more easily.
Admittedly, most breakups are painful. And that’s because we tend to drag relationships out until we can’t. And when they explode, it’s not just about the sudden void that appears in our lives (that another person can’t fill) but also a series of negative emotions about ourselves. author of Forgive for Love, teaches you what to do to make a painful break-up easier.
Give yourself time and space to grieve
author recognized in his study that times when you feel like crying, reviewing everything and complaining are necessary steps in the healing process. Don’t hesitate to talk about what’s hurting you with a therapist if you experience it. On the other hand, don’t dwell too much on the past. Pick a certain time period – a day, a week, a month and then move on.
Rewrite your story
It’s been a long time since the break-up but you still feel sad, resentful and negative? If so, your sympathetic nervous system is on high alert. Every time you repeat the story, your body is flooded with stress hormones. It’s just like watching a violent movie or the 5 o’clock news on TV.
But don’t forget that the remote control is in your hand and you can change the channel whenever you want. Keep in mind that anger and other negative emotions temporarily limit your ability to make logical choices.
Own your emotions, flaws and emotional baggage
This is the opposite of blaming someone or perceiving yourself as a victim. We cannot change the outside world but we can choose how we relate to it and its challenges.
Once you accept that you too played a part in the breakdown of your relationship – even choosing to ignore the obvious or the warning signs, you regain your strength and change your perspective on the past. You know that you did the best you could with the set of knowledge and information you had at the time. You forgive yourself so that you can then do the same for others.
Count your blessings
author refers to “using your gratitude muscles.” The goal is to help you focus on the positive aspects of your life. Think of all the people who have been there for you during this difficult time, of all that is good in your life.