A long-term romantic relationship simply can’t work if the partners can’t communicate with each other in a healthy, constructive way. Because everyone’s communication style is different, it’s sometimes hard to get on the same page – but if you can’t, you could be in serious trouble.
But what does a relationship based on healthy communication look like? In fact, it looks different in every relationship, but there are some common principles they share. One of these is that both members of a couple can express their values, needs, wants and desires equally. In addition, honesty and the setting of clear boundaries are essential. All of this usually works well at the beginning of a relationship, but over time there can be bumps in the road that make it difficult to follow the principles.
In other words: over time it is very easy to get into bad communication patterns and thus into a bad spiral. If you’re wondering whether you and your partner are on the same path, check out the 10 signs that communication is not working between you!
Just messaging
Sure, it’s rewarding to have technology and the ability to keep in touch during the day. But if your communication is mainly limited to talking in writing, while you don’t bother to make phone calls or even talk in person, it’s a very bad sign for your future.
Lie
It’s not easy to build a relationship of trust in today’s world – and if you find that your partner is lying to you, even in small ways, you may want to think about continuing. If he’s lying about working late when he went out for a beer with friends, who knows what else he’s not telling the truth about?
The lack of openness
It’s natural for a relationship to have ups and downs, to have clashes and arguments. There’s nothing wrong with that – it’s just that your partner can’t talk about them openly. After all, if you can’t communicate about it, you can’t solve the problems, can you?
Cutting in
If someone interjects while you’re talking, it can mean two things: that they’re impatient and that they’re not interested in what you’re talking about. If you find that your partner often interrupts you while you’re trying to communicate with them about something important, make this your next topic of conversation!
King of Silence
It’s perfectly healthy to need a little space from your partner sometimes. However, passive-aggressive, no-talking-to-you behaviour is never acceptable. It’s a real punishment for the other person, and it doesn’t even solve the problems that caused the situation in the first place.
Defence
There is nothing wrong with a relationship even if you have fights. We are human, it happens. The problem can arise when one party immediately goes into defensive mode and will say anything to avoid being the ‘loser’ in the argument. Not a very healthy attitude…
One-word answers
Some people are just not that good at communicating. They are the ones who, in a serious discussion, only respond with one-word answers or questions. This can be very exhausting for the other party and does not lead to a healthy solution.
Mind Reader
This, let’s face it, is usually a woman’s thing. Often we expect our partner to know what is wrong, what we are angry about or sad about. Remember: no one is born a mind reader! The only way to fix problems is to talk about them openly and not run around in circles.
Emotional projection
It is also human nature that we tend to be so full of our own emotions that we can only view the world – and our partner in it – through them. That’s why we project what we’re feeling onto them, and explain all sorts of things into a situation. It’s important to be sensible and catch ourselves when we’re going down this road.
Only the past
If you’ve been together for a while, I’m sure both of you could bring up something painful or upsetting from your past together. But a healthy communicating couple will never do this – it’s not a way forward, it’s a way back.
