13 signs you’re in love with a pipe dream, not your boyfriend

Everything is too fast
We know, you’d like to think it was love at first sight. But if you’ve got chemistry from day one, bed almost immediately, have been together ever since, and have three kids in the pipeline, it’s time to wonder what all the fuss is about. Real emotions or relationship addiction? Or is it an escape from something (or someone)? Love too fast is very often, unfortunately, not love at all, but a salamander.

You brag about it to everyone
If from the first minute you prove to your girlfriends, your family, your colleagues what a catch you’ve made with this guy, showing off all his good qualities inside and out, his great job, his nice chats, then something is wrong. If you were truly in love, you wouldn’t need to justify yourself to others. Who are you really trying to convince?

You want to change her
He’s all right with it, just….and here’s a long list. Whether you admit it or not, there are actually a lot of things that don’t really work for you about him/her, but you’re hoping that in time he/she will change for you. The bad news is that it won’t. The other bad news is that even if it will in one or two ways, your feelings won’t. Because it’s very likely that it’s not him you love, it’s your wishful thinking.

He has no idea what to do with his life
All well and good, but he’s just a guy with no idea what he wants. One day he wants to be a photographer, the next he wants to be a tattoo artist, bouncing around, making plans, but he’s just in the air. If he doesn’t know who he is, how can you? You might want him to be a prince, but let’s face it, he’s not.

You’re not happy about his success
But they do. You get a promotion at work, you buy a nice little car, you put on a few extra muscles through persistent exercise, and he’s happy. But you’re not. And it’s not because nothing’s good for you. It’s just that you’re tying yourself in knots. Yes, you’re looking for a successful, ambitious, life-loving person, or more accurately, you’re looking for those qualities – just in someone else.

You’re often surprised
And not in a good way. You are struck again and again by certain reactions, by his behaviour in certain situations. Not because they’re so extreme, but because they’re so different from yours that you can’t really identify with them. In fact, you are constantly confronted with the fact that you don’t know who this person is.

Perfectly meets your expectations
You’re just not happy with him. You seem to have a doctor’s prescription for this boy, he has all the inner and outer qualities you expect, but…you don’t feel what you should. It’s not always perfect that makes you happy.

He has practically nothing to offer
He’s got a big mouth, you’re in love, but if you think about it, he’s been living in the world for ten or twenty years and has nothing to bring to the table. A career, at least one or two serious ex relationships, a decent place to live, not just bumming around and staying in a motel…don’t fall in love with a non-existent vision of the future. Look at that person right here and now. Is that who you want?

Can’t you have a good chat
Your conversations are forced, you often wonder what new topic to bring up, you try to joke around, but somehow it doesn’t come naturally. In true love, the hours really do fly by, whether you talk or not, an eternity wouldn’t seem like much.

You don’t inspire, you nudge
In a real love affair, the two parties really do give each other wings. But if you find yourself constantly wanting to – how shall we say it – “tease” the poor boy to be more, better, different, then it’s probably not a real emotion. Then you are just trying to mould him into your ideal image, which is a net self-deception.

You’re rushing things
If you’re already planning the wedding in the first week and what kind of house you’ll be living in 15 years from now, it’s usually not a good thing. If you’re sure of your feelings, you don’t want to rush ahead. Love and relationships have their own dynamics, and those who really love each other feel it.

You don’t talk about deep things
You don’t have to be constantly soul searching and trying to change the world, but if your conversations are superficial and you feel like they don’t make you feel more, then this relationship is empty inside.

You’re only with him so you’re not alone
This needs no further explanation. It’s the worst thing you can do. Don’t mess with him or yourself. Wait it out with someone with whom none of the problems listed above arise, because everything is self-evidently good, because you’re happy, and you don’t have a shred of doubt.