There is a saying: “When your parents die, the sun goes down.” As complicated as your relationship with your mother and father may be, there’s something to this saying. Life goes on, new generations come, new “travellers” here on Earth, but for you, one of the most important sources of warmth and strongest light is already gone. The death of a parent is a loss that can never be described. There is no substitute, only learning to live with the loss. According to psychologists, these are the main changes that take place in the human personality when it has to go on living without its parents.
You realize the importance of family
Until then, you had somehow taken it for granted. You have them, your parents, you love them, or sometimes you fight with them, you love and annoy each other at the same time, you LIKE each other. But when that natural protective shell is broken, you realise, literally on your skin, how important family is, the “nesting” feeling and the unconditional love you can only get from your family members.
For a while, you lose your strength
The loss of your parents is such a physical and mental trauma that it can take your energy levels down considerably for quite some time. You are weakened as you grieve, but there is something else happening: a part of you is lost with them, irretrievably. You are made of them, not only physically, but also in your personality. Almost everyone experiences endless loneliness, as if a part of their body has been cut off. It’s very stressful, but you can get over it in time.
The loss of a parent is one of the greatest pains in the world (perhaps only surpassed by the death of a child, but there is no comparison in such matters). Even though we know that in the case of our mother and father, they will pass away first, we cannot prepare for the pain. We only understand that brokenness and loneliness when we experience it. The other losses and pains of our lives are often put into perspective.
You get angry when others complain about their parents
Simply because they still have them. And you feel why they complain, they don’t realise how lucky they are to have anything to complain about. This anger is a natural feeling, you just have to know how to deal with it.
You envy those whose parents are still alive
This is related to the previous point. It hurts to see and hear that someone else can still hug their mother, listen to their father nagging. It is then that you realise what a cruel companion ‘no’ is, and that you have to live like this because you have no choice.
The holidays will pass
No holiday will ever be the same as it was when your parents were alive. You can’t celebrate special occasions like that, even if you’re with your own family. Of course, the joy of your children makes up for a lot, but the fact that your parents are no longer sitting by the Christmas tree or at the birthday table breaks the real childlike magic in your soul.
You find yourself wanting to call them
Because something happened to you, good, bad, or just exciting, and like your whole life, you want to share it with them. You’ve almost got your finger on their name in your phone, and then you realize that no one’s going to pick up. The emptiness you feel at this time is also natural and will ease over time, but never completely go away.
You realise how much you’ve taken them for granted
Yes….akkor, when they are gone. It’s understandable, it’s human. You had them all your life, you could call them, you could jump up to them, you were always their “little one”. When they’re gone, that feeling goes away. You may also feel guilty for not appreciating them enough in their lives.
Those who still have parents alive can think about the above points, and they can still do something to make the grief and loss more bearable one day. For example, they can care for their parents as much as they can. They can love them, take them to activities, involve them in small events in their lives. It’s a cliché, but it’s true: you need to cherish every moment with them. Because one day it will be too late.