How to control your jealousy

Jealousy is considered an emotion that specialists explain at the psychobiological and cultural level. In a couple relationship, in small doses and as a warning reaction to a falling out of love, jealousy can be healthy; but if it becomes excessive, it can be a terribly sharp weapon that can hurt and do a lot of harm.

The problem is not that we feel jealousy, but how much jealousy we feel, how often we feel it, whether or not it is justified, and how it influences our behaviour. Pathological jealousy must be treated with the help of a professional, in a psychology office. But if the jealous person has not reached this sickly stage, he or she can use simple tactics that will allow him or her to balance his or her states of mind and restore harmony – based on tenderness, understanding, tolerance and mutual respect – within the couple.

Do you want to learn how to control your jealousy? Take note of the tactics we suggest here!

Think that your spouse loves you as you are. In order to accept the love he/she has for you, you must first of all love yourself too, so you will compare yourself less to others and be less likely to feel jealous. Accept yourself better, work on your self-esteem. According to specialists, the psychological profile of the person who feels jealousy frequently includes a lack of self-esteem and self-confidence.

It is important that you have your own personal life, with its own interests and projects. If you become more independent and creative, your jealousy will decrease and your understanding of the other person’s activities will increase. Your spouse is a person, not your property; excessive control must give way to mutual trust.

When doubts assail you, first of all, you must calm down and then talk about it. Determine if there are justified reasons for your jealousy and, if so, talk to your partner with evidence and a conciliatory tone. The point is to find out what is really going on and confront it with your perception, which may be false. Talk about your feelings by explaining clearly the behaviours that make you feel this way.

Take advantage of this to create a basis for ongoing dialogue, trust and loving contact: these tools will be very useful in overcoming disagreements and jealousy.

Accept the fact that you are feeling jealous and try to determine the causes. Is it jealousy by comparison and fear of being replaced?

Arm yourself with courage, confidence and understanding to accept reality, but make a special effort to scare away irrational thoughts. Settle down in the present and, if you are suffering from an acute jealous outburst or feel unable to manage it without help, consult a psychologist.

Pay attention to how often jealousy problems occur in your romantic relationship. If jealousy is permanent in a couple, it will tend to deteriorate and disrupt the emotional relationship, opening the door to reproaches, complaints, demands and constant pressure on your loved one.

Pay attention to the following warning signs:

  • Do you need to control your spouse’s every move?
  • Are you supporting his friends less and less?
  • Do you continually reproach him or her for the way he or she dresses or behaves?
  • Do you think you know more about your partner’s thoughts, intentions, etc. than he does?
  • Has the need to have him or her to yourself increased lately?
  • If you answered yes to the majority of these questions, you are probably experiencing an attack of jealousy.

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