“Jealousy in a relationship is not normal. I think there is something wrong in the mind or soul of the jealous partner. Maybe it’s a sign of a crisis in the relationship, that it’s not working or not working as well as it used to, and jealousy is a manifestation of that,” says one of our male friends in his 40s.
He added that the pathologically jealous man is likely to have a self-esteem problem.
This is confirmed by psychologists. According to the experts, “Pathological jealousy is when the main driving force of the relationship is jealousy: avoidance, proving or maintaining it. Behind these behaviours is the fear of abandonment by the partner, which the person tries to resolve by controlling every moment of the relationship.”
Unfortunately, this situation can become dangerous, often accompanied by verbal or physical violence, suspicions are often followed by beatings, slaps, pushing, but also life-threatening threats, the prospect of killing a child and threats of suicide.
If your partner is morbidly jealous, watch out and act in time. What are the signs of pathological jealousy?
He doesn’t like it if you go somewhere without him
tries to keep you within the four walls. Or arranges for him to go with you, perhaps ‘accidentally’ turning up where you went out with your friends.
You realise that he’s following you
“I had a girlfriend who was able to follow me once when I was driving home to visit my family. I didn’t realise she was on the same train and when I got off she followed me home. When I was at my parents’ house, she called me and said she was standing outside.
A similar thing happened to a girl who, at the beginning of a budding relationship, was followed abroad by the boy on a plane because he didn’t believe she was going where he said she was going.
There are milder cases than this, but it is a warning sign.
He wants to see your letters, messenger messages, text messages, etc.
Asking your partner to do this is not a healthy way to think about the relationship. In a normal functioning relationship, the parties trust each other, but they also let each other live and do not want each other to invade their privacy.
You catch him checking your phone
rummaging through your text messages or checking your call log.
He accuses you of cheating on him
even though you never gave him a reason to. Anyone who assumes that their partner is sleeping around and is obsessed with it is indeed pathologically jealous. It is a serious thing to accuse someone of cheating.
He’s telling you how to dress
or outright dictates what you wear, lest you be “too attractive”, “too sexy”, lest you catch someone’s eye.
He’s always making comments or asking questions
“Do you like it, why are you looking at it?” “I saw you looking at her!” “Who were you with for so long?” “Are you seeing X.Y. again?” “You’re lying again, I can tell you’re lying!”
You accuse me of lying
He forces you to explain with his constant doubts and accusations, and then when you tell him what happened, he throws it back at you, “Of course, it’s just an explanation. He lets you know that he doesn’t believe or trust you at all.
Pathological jealousy can only be helped by a professional, it is worth seeing a psychologist and exploring the causes in therapy.