Do your children sometimes do as they please without paying attention to what you say? A hypnotherapist has a solution! She reveals some tips to make your offspring listen to you.
Which parent has never found himself in difficulty to make his child obey? Whether it’s because they can’t find the words or because the child is busy playing, it’s sometimes difficult to make them listen. Alicia Eaton, a hypnotherapist specializing in neuro-linguistics has a solution! In her book Words that work: How to get kids to do almost anything, this British woman reveals simple ways to get children to obey almost anything. And this without shouting, bribing or threatening! By using certain words instead of others or changing the meaning of the sentence, parents can make their children obey more easily, she tells the Daily Mail.
Forget the negation
Encouraging a child not to do something sometimes means removing the negation from the sentence. For example, the phrases “Don’t leave your room a mess” or “How many times have I told you not to push your sister?” are counterproductive, the expert reveals. Twisting phrases in a positive way can be more encouraging. Saying, ‘Leave your room clean and put away the Lego,’ will make it more likely that your little one will start to clean up.
Make them feel like they have a choice
Sometimes the best way to get someone to do something is to let them think they have a choice. This applies to children as well, says Alicia Eaton. Instead of saying “hurry up and get dressed,” prefer to say something like “do you want to wear your red shirt or your blue shirt today?”, or “what are we going to wear first? The pants or the t-shirt?”. These formulations sound more encouraging to children’s ears.
Speak as if the child is doing a favor by obeying
According to the hypnotherapist, the word “when” is one of the most hypnotic and suggestive. So, saying “when you clean your room, we’ll eat” or “when you finish your math homework, we can go to the park” will surely get better results. Once you’ve mastered this technique, you can take it a step further by using two presuppositional phrases in the same sentence. This technique is used by car salespeople. For example, they will say “when we get back from the test drive, we will come back and you can choose a color for the interior”. Applied to children, this would be “when you finish the exercises, you’ll see how easy it is to know how to spell these words”.
Create a language connection
To make yourself heard, you can create a connection between you and your child through words. This results in phrases like “I realize, just like you, that you have many choices available to you.” The word “like” builds a connection and thus lifts the child’s self-esteem. “This is especially helpful if you feel the relationship with your child has become difficult,” the author explains.
Saying thank you first
According to Alicia Eaton, saying “thank you” before the child has performed the requested action is more encouraging. It makes them want to please the person, and it prevents them from ignoring the request. This method is even more effective if you say the magic word just a little after making the request. “Once they have been thanked, they feel obliged to do the task requested,” she deciphers.
Explain your approach
By explaining your reasoning to your child, he’s more likely to do what you asked. Since they understand what is being asked of them and why, they are more likely to do it. As an example, the specialist gives this sentence: “Let’s turn down the volume to have some quiet because we have to decide what we are going to do next and it will be easier to have good ideas”.
Giving weight to sentences
By giving your sentences more weight, they will take on more importance in the eyes of the child. To do this, place the words “think about it” or “listen” at the beginning of the sentence.
Help them see the positive
If your child spends all his time complaining, you can help him stop by encouraging him to find solutions. By not joining him in his complaining, you are showing him that there is always an outcome to every situation. If he complains of being too hot, you can ask him, “Oh, you want to be less hot. What would make you feel better: opening a window or taking off your jacket?”. “These answers lead to less complaining, and more focus on the solution,” says the author of Words that work: How to get kids to do almost anything.
Use questions that already contain the answer
“Using questions that contain the answer is a linguistic method of getting your child to choose the right solution,” says Alicia Eaton. For example, the question, “So you’re worried about your exams, maybe it’s because you feel you need to work harder?” will encourage him to work more effectively than saying “study harder.
Getting him to forget the phrase “I can’t.”
According to the hypnotherapist, the phrase “I can’t” is used too often during conversations, and this closes the possibility of making progress. “Your child is changing all the time, which means that not being able to do something is just a stage. So when your child says, “I can’t do that,” respond with, “You just haven’t found the right way yet.”