The hour is serious! Your friend’s jealousy has discreetly infiltrated your relationship and you don’t know how to get rid of it. You are entitled to a full search every night, your cell phone doesn’t even dare to receive messages anymore, she has access to all your passwords and uses them almost every hour, she goes crazy just hearing you talk about another woman, and would be ready to commit murder when you talk with a friend… In short, it’s no longer livable and you will soon explode if the situation doesn’t change.
Force her to become aware of her unmanageable behaviour
Your beloved becomes impossible to live with and she has to realize that she is suffocating you, ruining your life and her own at the same time. Of course, this will hurt her. Hearing reproaches won’t comfort her at all, but at a certain point it is necessary. She will skirt around the conversation, go back over all your faults, your lack of attention to her, the feeling she has of being constantly abandoned… She will return what you say to prove to you that she is the victim and not you. But she won’t. She’s the one with the problem. You can be jealous, everyone is, more or less, but there are limits. And it’s imperative that she realizes that she’s crossed them. Remind her of her childhood: didn’t she want to sneak out when her parents forbade her to go out? Didn’t she sneak candy when her mother strictly forbade her before eating? Make her understand that the more she imposes things on you, the more she will suffocate you and forbid you to go out, to have any contact with another woman, the more you will have a real need for freedom that will push you to provoke her and to cross all the limits imposed.
Make compromises
Tell her that if she gives you more freedom, you will make an effort to be more present for her. Instead of going out four times a week, you will only go out twice. But during those two evenings, you want to have peace, real peace. No harassing messages or crying calls.
Instead of coming home at four in the morning and finding her sobbing on the couch waiting for you and psyching you out, promise her you’ll work on your schedule. Go home at reasonable hours during the week. In return, she must promise not to mope and keep her mind occupied when you’re not with her.
Don’t hide anything from her
Hiding anything from him is the worst thing you can do. Telling him that you were with Nicolas to watch the game while you went out for a drink with a co-worker (who, by the way, you absolutely don’t like), will work once, twice… until the truth comes out. And then, it’s drama. Your friend will finally have a good and real reason to tell you that you are lying to her, that you are not trustworthy and that you have betrayed her. The terms are violent and disproportionate, to be sure. But you can’t afford these kinds of lies. Not only will she feel betrayed and deeply hurt, but more importantly, she will have every reason to believe that everything she had imagined (deception, secrecy…) has indeed taken place. Don’t hand her the stick to get beaten. Be legible.
Send the ball back to her
Show yourself a little jealous. I’m not telling you to play his game, on the contrary. I’m not telling you to get into his game. I’m telling you to get into his game, quite the opposite. She just needs to understand that she wouldn’t want to go through what she’s putting you through. For example, if she decides to go see Peter, her best friend from childhood, tell him that it bothers you, that you’re afraid something might happen between them. She will laugh in your face: “With Piiiiieeerrreee???? But you’re crazy, he’s like a brother to me”. This may make her realize that her behavior is ridiculous and that you too can have friends in friendship.
Don’t feel guilty
She cries every day, she suffers and her pain is real. You feel like you’re missing everything, not doing things right, making her unhappy. Stop feeling guilty! It’s not you that makes her life miserable, it’s her life that destroys itself. You have to help her, even if it means pushing her to go see a psychologist to help her more deeply.
