It’s not a fantasy
The ideal partner does not exist. It is possible to have beautiful and fulfilling love relationships throughout one’s life. There is no such thing as THE Prince Charming, there is only one person who is right for us. It does not exist. To be waiting for that person who would fulfill all our desires before we even formulate them is a mistake, a fantasy. We are going to meet an authentic human being in flesh and blood: he will necessarily have characteristics that will seduce us and others less so, as well as a past that we will have to deal with. We must therefore accept the idea of not being fulfilled, the idea that the relationship is lacking and that this is a sign of an adult relationship. The ideal man or woman exists only in our imagination.
He/she is unlike any other like him/her.
We often see that it is the right one when we leave the painful pattern of previous relationships. Something new begins to take shape. Suddenly, we don’t reproduce the same expectations over and over again. Suddenly, the other one doesn’t resemble the partners of the past at all, but it touches something that is intimately meaningful to us. We will be able to share very personal matters with her/him, to carry out a project that is close to our hearts, without us sometimes being aware of it until now. He/she comes to join us, to look for us in a very singular part of ourselves: our creativity, our deepest wishes… He/she helps us to fulfill ourselves.
The word circulates
We can express ourselves freely, we can tell each other what is bothering us without fear of reactions, without fear of offending. Of course, it is not a matter of making accusations or being hurtful or verbally abusive. But it must be possible to discuss all subjects openly: politics, child rearing… The other person listens to us without judging, without criticizing, without restraining us, without manipulation, without criticism, without contempt or manipulation. Each person’s differences are neither a fear factor nor a risk factor. They even nourish us.
It is possible to be true
We are not afraid to be ourselves and to show ourselves as we are, without make-up. Everyone can unfold freely, under a loving gaze. We accept ourselves as we are, with our little flaws, with our frailties. It is not a question of letting go but of being natural without feeling guilty, without being afraid of losing love. We can show our tiredness, our weariness after a day’s work.
We feel safe. We don’t feel obliged to transform ourselves into someone else to please him/her, nor do we feel that we have to meet expectations that we think we have to meet or that he/she would say: “You are not enough this”, “You should be more like this…” etc… It is precisely the fact of being oneself, of being true, authentic to show oneself in all its facets that nourishes love and connection.
He/she takes care of us
The relationship is not a place where we are mothered, where the other should replace a parent who has been failing, where we would turn into a child or a parent of each other. We are in an adult-to-adult relationship but that relationship carries us. The other wants the best for us of what we want to become and vice versa. We are in a space of welcome and deployment where each one of us rejoices in the existence of the other, whether he or she is alive, whether he or she has desires, and where we strive to help each other achieve our aspirations. This posture is not necessarily self-evident: it sometimes requires renunciations, sacrifices, not to try to pass in front of the other, not to forget him or her in order to think only of oneself, not to try to “domesticate” him or her. We are allies and this alliance makes us shine. »
