The stories of Prince Charming and Ileana Cosan are no longer relevant in the 21st century. Nor are Bonny and Clyde, the famous American villains, a worthy example, but quite the opposite. And yet: what is love?
When I first met my lover, a swarm of “stunned bees” seemed to sting my belly. Strange sensation, I thought! And the signs that I had been visited by Cupid were not long in coming. When I met him, my palms instantly sweated, I turned red like a stung lobster, and suddenly I needed ventilation (good luck with air conditioning). I wanted to know as much as I could about him, so not infrequently I “buggered” my good friends with stories just and about HIM.
Any opportunity was good to bring him up, and when I wasn’t talking about him, I was definitely thinking about him. Then again, if that’s not love, what is? I’m sure my brief account is familiar to you. We’ve all fallen in love at one time or another and it was beautiful. However, there is a big difference between LOVE and LOVE.
Love is heavily hormone-based. Our brains are attacked by phenylethylamine which produces the dream state. Experts say that love is triggered by specific criteria in the human subconscious. Thus, we want our partner to have specific traits. Maybe we want them to be blond, be a doctor, play sports and play the guitar. Unfortunately, I have to warn you that these criteria are selfish, they have to do with what brings you happiness and how you perceive it. They have nothing to do with genuine love. That comes after the numbness of love has worn off. Love is not about attachment, pride or selfishness. Perhaps you’ll see it better that way:
Love says: I love you, so I want you to bring me happiness.
Love says: I love you, so I want you to be happy whether you are with me or not.
Love is the opposite of selfishness. Genuine love does not take into account its own value because the ultimate good of the beloved person is its value. Genuine love means wishing him all the good in the world, even if that good is not you. It’s hard to get into the intensity of the emotion called love, and it’s even harder to feel it, authentically. But not impossible, as long as you let go of the I, the attachments and look deep into the past for answers to your pain. It’s a long process, but it cleanses you and allows you to find the right partner in your path.
That’s why today I want to discuss how we can tell when our partner truly loves you and why it’s important to be with people who are genuine and feel real emotions for us.
Completely incomplete
A relationship that creates the idea that you can feel complete through the one next to you is doomed to fail. If your partner expects you to complete their life, you’re going to have a lot of challenges in the relationship. And the exchange is mutual.
If you go into a relationship imagining that this man will solve your problems, you’re making a big mistake. To start a healthy loving relationship you have to let go of the baggage of the past, right?
Notice if your partner is nostalgic for the past, if he still carries failed relationships with him and keeps a certain feminine pattern he doesn’t want to give up. Also, be on the lookout for your partner’s projection of you. When we fall in love, we often project our own ideals and fantasies onto our partner. And when the movie directed in our minds doesn’t bring us the Oscar, we discover a different person than the one we imagined. True love sees beyond masks, imagination, and desires.
The man who truly loves you will not keep you trapped in your own universe, will know that you are not the solution to life’s difficulties. He will love you for who you are, not for who he wants you to be!
Acceptance
If your partner sincerely loves you he wants you to be happy. Pure love is a personal manifesto for the loved one to continually grow, to experience the fullness of life, to be the best version of themselves.
The man who loves you unconditionally will be your biggest fan. He will not discourage you and will let you fulfill your dreams without a trace of selfishness or competition. Often, the feeling of competition makes itself felt in the couple’s life, drowning out true love that knows no such emotions. In a couple relationship, it is essential to feel good about yourself, because accepting each other’s flaws strengthens the bond of love.