Breakup after breakup, date after date, the evidence is obvious: you attract narcissists, and this character trait ends up being a problem for you, and more or less directly causes the end of each story. However, your girlfriends warn you every time they meet you: you are again with the same type of man with an overinflated ego. If narcissists end up hurting you or annoying you, they start by attracting you at first. They are attracted to you too!
By understanding why you are attracted to narcissists, you will stop repeating the same story over and over.
You tend to put people on a pedestal easily
When you describe someone, do you often use hyperbole? Do you easily exaggerate the qualities of the people you meet and your feelings for them? Do you often say “I love him! “, “He/she is a great person”, “He/she is so smart/wonderful/cultivated…” If you recognize yourself, maybe it’s because you tend to put people on a pedestal.
This is not a problem in itself, but it can have 2 negative corollaries:
- you place yourself below them and minimize your qualities by valuing theirs
- you attract people who like to be taken for demi-gods and praised: the narcissists!
You seek external validation
Narcissists know how to emphasize the least of their assets and the smallest of their qualities, even if they are imaginary. By dint of feeling the most attractive, the most qualified, the most relevant in all matters, they give the impression that they are! It’s normal to be attracted to this kind of brilliant profiles, or to those who present themselves as such, but a question arises: why are you so systematically attracted to them to the point of wanting to be in a relationship with these people?
You may have a self-confidence deficit, and you may see them as a form of external validation: many people with low self-esteem cling to narcissists because they are flattered by their interest in them, and supported in their own failing narcissism by attracting the attention of a narcissist.
You place a lot of importance on physical appearance
Appearances can be deceiving, but a person who takes extreme care of their image, and is always in control of their appearance is often a narcissist.
There are two types of narcissists:
- the narcissist in the 1st degree, who simply loves himself madly
- the narcissist by reaction, who hides a lack of self-confidence under a mask of extreme self-love.
In both cases, these narcissists have a neat, controlled and attractive appearance. Their face-to-face image is always calculated and worked on, and the one they deliver on their photos is controlled by lots of filters, staging and angles that owe nothing to chance.
And you like it all! If you go to these kinds of profiles, you are obviously more likely to meet a narcissist.
You Are Extraordinary…
Narcissists are attracted to you because you are great: very beautiful, very funny, sociable, intelligent, interesting… You doubt it? In reality, what I am telling you is not just a guess, it is pure logic: a narcissist has a constant need to value himself. Therefore, who does he want on his arm? A partner who makes him shine: if you are the ideal candidate, you are extraordinary.
…But you don’t know your potential
You are extraordinary, but you don’t know it. Partners of narcissists are often women who are unaware of their potential, which leads them to seek a partner who validates their qualities. They are so unaware of their worth that they suggest that they are lucky to have been chosen by their partner. This admiring and grateful look is a bait and drug for narcissists!